Thinking Things Through

John stayed over Friday night. It was pretty wonderful having him around. All Saturday morning we just lounged. Well, the topic of marriage did come up as a hypothetical. Now, I am in now way shape or form to get married again. He hasn't even said I love you yet. Even if I do go down that path it won't be for years. Let's face it, I'm not the best in choosing men and I don't want a sticky divorce again. That was painful enough the first time. Having said that, we worked out details. The one truly thing wrong with the picture, I would have to be what is called the bread winner. That did not sit well with me. I understand he is radio and dj's on the side, but you can't expect to live like that forever and have someone else pick up the slack. You're the man for crying out loud.
Knowing this is how he's viewing what a long term relationship would look like, I may reevaluate a few things. For starters, the one key thing I have been wanting from the next long term relationship is someone to take care of me for once. The problem is when you say that, do you mean emotionally or financially? Money has never been priority in my life. I make enough to enjoy life, not to where I struggle. Now bringing someone else into the equation, I would want them to be as equal. I don't want to have to change my lifestyle because of artistic differences. Well, not to mention, I want to be the creative one. I hate working the typical job. I want to write and be creative. If you have the college education, You need to do something more with it.
Point two, does he really think he can be just a DJ for the rest of his life? Is there really a future in that? I mean it's good for now, but there is only so far you can go with that unless you own your own company and have people underneath you. I know Jerry and him are going into business together, but areas are so saturated with DJ companies. How much business can you expect to get? What if you need to take a vacation? Who covers then? If you get sick, what about insurance? You're sure as hell not going on my plan and jacking my rates up. Then of course there is the flirting thing. Do I really care to hear about the women flaunting over my soon to be husband? I find that to be immature and ridiculous. I am too old for that game.
Bottom line, this will get brought up again at some point. It's inevitable. I'll just say, don't get too comfortable. You may have to man up and take responsibilities for your family's future if this is the direction we go in eventually. I can not be the only one doing all of the work.
Now, emotionally, he is very supportive and caring. He pays attention to my needs. He can sense when I'm upset. He doesn't push the envelope. I know he would do what ever needed to be done to make me happy. Is this what I mean by taking care of me?
I'm kind of lost in translation on this one. This is why with time and patience hopefully these questions will be answered.