It's unfortunate that a book (which turned into a movie) had to wake me up and make me realize I was not in a good situation anymore. Because of issues in the past everything was built up and suppressed since I though nothing would changed. I did state my cases on many many occasions and yet nothing was solved. I lost my voice. I lost who I was and what I wanted out of life. I was an empty shell of a person. I even began losing my humor. That is definitely a HUGE problem since it's one of my best assets. I love to laugh but at the time I didn't as much as I use to.
When I was younger I was addicted to happy endings in movies and books. I loved the prince on the white horse with his mighty sword. I imagined him rescuing me from an evil monster and we road off into the sunset. I thought that once you found that prince life would be wonderful forever. They never explained the other garbage that happens after the I do's. Shame on all of the creators of fantasy for that one. Why couldn't they give us some tips to go along with the happy ending. Well anyways I learned after getting into a relationship that it was a lot of work. There was no such thing as a happy endings without getting dirty. Unfortunately due to the circumstances surrounding me leaving my marriage, I won't be able to look at him in the same light.
I think it's finally hitting him I'm not coming back into his life as his wife but as a friend. That is all I can give him after this. Sorry I had to let out some steam. I bet there are people out there going through the same situation. Hopefully someone finds this blog and tells me it'll eventually get easier...
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